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lana_dana
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Name: Alana
Gender: Female
Interests: Jesus. My family. Photogrphy. Dr. Peper. Missions. Writing. Taiwan. Music. Travel. Shoes. Research. Being outside. Playing in the rain. Life.
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/3/2007
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| My Parents and Family
Hualien
My Team
Bo Ai (my church)
Ja
My Three Musketeers
Eric and his English
Being able to wear navy and black together and no one caring
Net
Dan bing
Texas and Taiwan being home
Priscilla and Saphrin
Grace from Jesus
The Chinese Teachers
Starbucks playing Christmas music
The beach
Grandmas
Drink Stands
Pumpkin tarts
Tuna and Peanut Butter
Club House
The love of my Daddy
The Mountains.... | | |
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“Alana life is just not fair. That's all there is to it, and you have to learn to trust the sovereignty and love of your God to be able to trust that He is in control. There is too much evil in this world for anything to go ideally, but you have to trust that God loves us, and those hurting children—or anyone else, enough to work everything out to His glory...” I will never forget those words my dad told me after I got back from my first mission trip with I was 14. Hurt and broken by what I had seen, Daddy was reminding me of who God is in this evil world—He is God, and as little sense as that may make, it's true.
God is in control, even when this world is far less than ideal. Sometimes that fact is hard to grasp, especially when hurt, pain, or bad situations—that we ourselves, or others are in—keep us completely from understanding His ways. But sometimes, when we get a small glimpse of “His ways [that] are higher than our ways,” it is possible to become eternally grateful for the fact that God is in control and that He loves us enough to be glorified in spite of the corruption of this world. Last week was one of those times. I got a glimpse of God's ways, and it was through a little boy named Mark.
The first information the school got about Mark, was that he suffered from a couple of diseases, for which he is not medicated, that he was very active and it is hard to get him to sleep. All of that did not make it hard to make the assumption that Mark was going to be a high maintenance kid, and I for one did. Thank God a piece of paper does not make up the true character of a child for when Mark walked into our school he began to show us just how much God sees, even in the midst of suffering. And how much God's plan will bring glory to Himself, even when our human minds can't understand how.
I remember so well how on Monday, when we were splitting up classes, comments like “Who has the syndrome? Mark? Nun-uh. Nope, NO WAY.” “Did you see any side affects of it at all tonight?” “No, not one!” “Maybe the paper is wrong.” “No, I don't think so, because he is definitely active.” “You guys, he is the sweetest kid...” “I know I sat with him at lunch.” “...You know what he did? He kept everyone quite and listening tonight, and when I needed to collect the pens, he like did it for me, and even ordered the others, 'No! One at a time!'” “He is so precious!” “I know, he already knows all our names, and even says them all right.” All of this was just on Monday.
Mark continued to amaze us through out the week. He was an excellent student, always eager and willing to learn. He tried so hard to please, and was a great leader.
Whenever they needed to be attentive, he would have all three of the other boys at his table, and himself sitting up straight, and looking forward, listening to what the teacher had to say. The fact that he would get bored, or tired and look away or start fiddling only to catch himself and be completely attentive again just made him all the more lovable.
Mark is wise beyond his years, and respected by every student who meets him. One time all the boys were playing football and one of them, even though he was “down,” would not let go of the ball. Being boys, everyone playing decided the answer was to pile on top and start elbowing for the ball—everyone but Mark. Just when things were getting out of hand, Mark steps in, yells at everyone to “STOP! STOP!” pulls off two or three of the boys, thus scattering the rest of the pile. He then takes the ball from the offender, and hands it to the correct boy and the game begins again.
The thing about Mark that completely captured everyone’s hearts is that he is so incredibly caring. He loves to lift people up and let them know he believes in them. During our Thursday outing to practice confidence, this quality about him lit up the entire time. Alan, one of the boys in Marks group, is a tad bit shy. During one of the interviewing times Alan didn't really want to do his part. Suddenly out of nowhere, Mark was by his side, encouraging him and telling him he can do it. He even gave him a little push forward when the lady Alan was talking to could not quite hear him. And when Alan was done, Mark made sure he knew he had done a great job. I know Alan, and the other two boys in Mark's group would not have done near as well here if Mark had not been in their group.
Life for Mark is far from easy. His home background is very sad, he lives with his grandparents and like I said before, he suffers from two diseases. But that is not stopping God from using Mark. Everyday God is raising up young men and women like Mark. He is molding them and shaping them so He can use them. God sees past the pain and evil in this world to how He can be glorified in His creation. I pray everyday that God will pursue Mark and bring him to Himself, so that Mark can become a man after God's own heart. Everyday I am grateful God is using Mark until that day comes, and that I got the opportunity to love him.
Mark showed me that I shouldn't strive for ideal in this world, because it can't happen. Instead I should strive for God to be glorified. It does not matter if a child is especially difficult, comes from a bad home or have a horrible disease. If I can see past the bad behavior, the special ways I may need to adjust my teaching, or the extra discipline I have to give to seeing that God is using them for His kingdom, I will be truly allowing God to use me. Because I love these children the way God knows they need to be loved. My job is not ideal, rather it is far from it, but I think that is one of the reasons I love it so much. Here I get to see God's power being shown in little lives transformed by love.
Love is the more excellent way. No matter how many things we try to teach these children, if we don't have love, we aren't helping these children any and they aren't changing at all. We know exactly what Paul was saying when he said “Now we but see a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.” We don't always know how God is going to continue what we teach here after our children leave. But we do know who God is and that He is working. And the way He will continue to show us favor is if we continue to ask Him for the “greatest of these”—Love.
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I never thought it would hurt so much, seeing him go when I had not even spent a whole week with him. But it did. Wayne, I heard at the beginning of the week he could be a challenge, “He has a temper” they said. But no one knew that was only when the temper came. Without the temper Wayne was something so unique, so precious, and too amazing to really describe.
Wayne was my student who grinned all the time, who's greatest desire was to make you laugh and who longed to learn. He was the student who payed attention, even if you thought he was not. Almost every class he would suddenly just burst out a word in English, just so I would turn around, laugh and say “Where in the world did that come form?!?” Wayne was my only student who couldn't remember how to write his name—but not because he didn't know how, but because the computer font messed up the way he remember how to write an “a”. When we played “Cowboys and Indians” Wayne just suddenly stood up and said something in Chinese that means “I'm a good boy” or “Look I'm a dork!” and hiked up his pants to his chest and left them there until we stopped playing.
Wayne is soft hearted. Wayne sees no need to be tough if he's hurting. Wayne decides everyday to love. Wayne understands the joy of meeting people where their at, and helping them. Wayne is a little boy who changes lives.
And last week, Wayne changed my life. He began to love me when I thought he would be hard for me to get along with. Wayne missed me when I had to suddenly head to Hong Kong in the middle of the week, and he picked up right where we left off when I got back. Wayne enjoyed every moment of his time with us, and when the time came for Wayne to go home, he cried.
During the closing ceremony the tears started. Small tears, dripping off his face as the realization that he would have to go home began to set in. By the end of the ceremony, the tears had turned to sobs, which he tried to control. They continued over lunch, where he had the hardest time stopping so he could even eat. The slowed down enough for him to finish his lunch and ask me to help him peal his orange, and to help Priscilla finish all the other oranges the other students left. But his tears weren't over. After he got all his luggage, and had lined up to tell us all bye, he grabbed me to give me a big hug, they started again. This time I have no idea when they stopped. Wayne sobbed until the class left. He kept moving to the back of the line to put his luggage in the bus so he could be with us longer. He kept giving hugs and wiping his face just to be near all of us. He stood on the steps of the bus as long as he could so he could say bye to us over and over again. And when he finely left, he took a big part of my heart with him. I can't even count the hugs Wayne gave me last Friday, I can't tell you how long he cried, because it lasted so long. But what I can tell you is Wayne left knowing he was loved with the love Jesus gave us to love him.
My heart broke completely when Wayne disappeared from view on that bus. I don't think it will ever be the same again. Missing him I know, will happen for a long time. It took a long time for me to even desire to remember how great it was to get to know Wayne. All this last weekend, I have asked, even begged God to give the grace to love this weeks students, but it just didn't come. My heart hurt too much, and God was asking me to wait and learn to appreciate that hurt. Wayne was not the only student who cried last Friday, he was not the only one who left with a piece of my heart. Almost all the students did. Wayne's story was just the hardest to write. I know I will soon be able to write down all the other stories of the students who touched my heart last week, but it was like I needed God to just give the grace to write this one. This morning, when the students stepped of that bus, I did not love them. But this morning when the students filed pasted me after stepping off that bus I did love them. Waiting for that love was the best thing I needed for this group of students—because now it's deeper.
I don't know how this week will turn out, if on Thursday, when they leave this time, I will not be able to get ready for the next week. But I do know that Jesus has started a great work, He is not done with me yet, and every week He will give me the grace and the love I need for these students. I'm learning to die. I need to die, because that let's Jesus truly live in me.
Like I have written so many times before, I had no idea that when I asked to become a lover it would be this hard, or that I would have learn so many lessons. But all of them have been worth it. I miss Wayne, I miss Joe and Eric and Max and Coco and Sally too. When I once again had to tell them goodbye, not knowing what would happen to them, Jesus said “Here, Alana, take this pain as my gift to you, don't see it as bad, don't try to get over it, just love it. And wait. Wait for the next gift I will give you. Don't try to get it early, don't try make it on your own, just know it's coming. Because I am using both these gifts, both of them are to make you something new, both are making you more like Me.”
I got the next gift this morning. I got new love for these new students, and like the very generous Father that He is, Jesus gave me more than I expected: He gave me an even deeper love for Wayne and the others. A love that will last forever, simply because it's not mine.
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This is Windy. She is the little girl who walked into our lives with her hat on backwards, completely respected by all her classmates. Windy, the one who sits second from the end in Priscilla's class right next to Jeff, the kid who calls me “pig” because word got around that I can make a face like one all too quickly. Windy is the one who works hard at learning and does indeed learn. Windy, the girl who's smile is contagious and the other students would do anything to be like her.
Windy. Mindy. Wendy. I don't really know what the spelling is, but that does not matter. What Windy is is a masterpiece in the making, being created by the most Sovereign God of the universe. And God is making a beautiful and wondrous blessing to so many out of this little girl—He is making an artist. 
Yes, God is making this little girl into an artist. No, she does not paint, sing, draw amazing pictures, or even have some unknown talent behind the camera, although I have seen her do almost all of those things well. Rather, Windy is one of the most creative people I have ever met. She is artsy, with a cunning ability to change her perspective. Windy is the first to see details, the first to think outside the box, and the first to find a new way to learn if she can't understand. And on top of all this Windy is a leader. Her whole class would follow her off a cliff...or to greatness if only she says the word.
What hit me today was the incredible blessing God has given me in these children. Over my time in Taiwan I have met so many of God's children who are becoming great, because He is making them great. Hidden in the countryside of Hualien, Taiwan are children who God wants to use to change the world.
And I get to see Him molding them.
God wants to and will use Windy. God has placed her in a place where she has only been taught English by foreign and Christian English teachers. She has been given so many blessings in her personality and her desire to learn. And Windy sees, really sees, the need for leadership.
God knew just where this little artist in the making needed to be born, just because He has a great plan for her. The amazing thing is that Davina, Priscilla, Sarah and I get the privilege of being part of God's molding; we get the privilege of being placed in her life to show her God's love, and placed in her life to pray for her.
I get to see this artsy, spunky, smart, and loving little girl be changed for the better, and I get to pray for her. It amazes me just to think about it. Someday this little girl is going to do even more great things, she will change even more people. More because God is already using her—in my heart, to change me. 
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We were walking down the steep hill when suddenly I heard the steady flop, flop, flop saying the bottoms of the shoes were about to come off. Jacky's shoes. My precious Jacky. The one with sorta spiky hair, a smart mind, a desire to please, no ability to sit still and always willing to answer questions. I love him. Jacky is a great kid. I will always remember him going to get me magnets. He dashed out of the room after I told him 7 and dashed back in with 7 red ones--which he arranged just right on the board. He was the kid who worked the hardest to spell out the words and to write them correctly. Jacky. As we walked down the hill all I could think was why? Why did this kid have to be so poor? Why did this one who, even though he didn't have a good attention span, was so smart and willing to learn have to come from the country? Why did it have to be that he would have a harder time getting all he needed to become something? All I can do is pray for Jacky and tell Lauren and Katie how much he improved and how they can better help him. Jacky is going places. Jacky just does not have the shoes to get him there. But the thing is, he is willing to go without shoes. The fact that he is poor does not matter to him. Even the flop, flop, flop, of his shoes does not mean a thing to him. He just continues on being himself. There was no need for him to stop. Jacky loves to learn and nothing will get in the way of him doing that. It made me wonder how it would be if I was like that. If I didn't care what equipment would take me to the place I was going, only that I got there. If I didn't see the shoes on my feet as annoyances, but just continued on, even when the bottoms came off. Jacky made me think and pray in a different way. I pray for Jacky. I'm praying Jesus' love will pursue him, that he will come to know his savior. Yes, my Jacky is going places, in these shoes, or not...it does not matter to him. Dear Jesus, please make sure he gets there knowing you. 
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